Separation Anxiety in Dogs: It’s Not About How Long You’re Gone
Separation anxiety starts the moment you leave, not hours later: it is not the length of the absence that is the problem, but the separation itself. It comes from a failure of detachment — the dog never learned to be independent from its attachment figure. It is solved by controlling contacts and space and by applying all the rules of life: in my experience, in no more than 10 days.
The origin: detachment
Learning detachment is essential. It allows a puppy to become a balanced adult and to become independent from its attachment figure, the mother. It is the lesson that allows a dog to stay alone, calmly, in the absence of its owners. Around 3 weeks of age, when the milk teeth appear, the mother starts nursing standing up, leaves her puppies more often and begins to push them away: this is the beginning of the detachment process.
Most puppies leave the breeder at 8 to 10 weeks of age, when they still need an attachment figure. That bond is transferred to a person in the family — usually the one who spends the most time with the puppy. When this person does not put in place the stages of detachment, the puppy remains dependent on them and will not tolerate being apart.
The signs
The symptoms start at the moment of departure. Even a few minutes — the time it takes to get the mail — cause difficulties. Owners often tell me: “Even if I’m gone for only 10 minutes, my dog greets me as if he hadn’t seen me for a week.”
- Destruction: furniture, walls, objects, clothes — anything within reach of its mouth.
- House soiling, often in every room.
- Barking, whining, howling — sometimes for hours.
- Drooling, self-mutilation, and sometimes vomiting.
- A dog that cannot bear a closed door, or the attention of its owner going anywhere other than to it.
Why responding to your dog’s demands keeps it dependent
Owners must never respond to their dog’s demands, whatever their nature. Responding means submitting to its demands — and if you respond, in its logic, you will always have to. It is precisely for this reason that a dog is dependent on you. A dog that is demanding does so mainly as an expression of its power: you are not responding to a request for affection, you are confirming a power, a status.
As long as you are the one initiating contact, you can pet your dog as often and for as long as you like. If you dominate your dog, your attentions, even numerous ones, are perceived as a privilege — a mark of attention from the leader.
A real case: the dishwasher
Shortly after I started working, a woman called me because her dog howled when she was away. She was applying almost all the rules of life — the first person I had met who did. There was only one inconsistent point: when she was loading the dishwasher, her dog would come up behind her and give her a little nudge with his nose, and she would turn around and scold him. That was enough. Turning around to tell him “no” gave him the attention he was asking for, and getting. She changed that one detail. A week later, the separation anxiety was resolved.
There are behaviors in dogs that look to us like small details, but they are not. In reality, they carry an important meaning.
How long does it take?
If you correctly apply all the rules of life, no more than 10 days. That is what I have observed for 30 years. After that, if your dog still suffers from anxiety, ask yourself in which area you have not respected these rules.
Stephan MairesseProfessional dog trainer & canine behaviorist, 30 years of experience across 16 countries, more than 2,000 dogs trained. Certificat de capacité N°750108. Read his full background →
The complete method — controlling contacts, strictly controlling space, and the rules of life behind it — is in Module 8 of the course, alongside the full Rules of Life module.
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